I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
