ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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