I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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