Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
