I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
