He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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