ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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