so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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