I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
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