I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
