I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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