and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
