in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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