I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
