So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
