shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
