I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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