end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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