We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
