im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
