if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
