why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
