I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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