he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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