I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
