i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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