she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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