At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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