I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
