My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
