she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Found the puke drawer
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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