I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
