You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
