just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
