Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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