just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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