is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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