im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
