My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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