the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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