do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
His nipple licking is glorious
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