Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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