Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
