I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
