So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
