I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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