He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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