I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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