Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
