I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
