Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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